Friday, June 16, 2006

It's not every day an old friend turns 113

I bet you think that 1893 was just a jumble of mundane events compared to the invention of Cracker Jack, but you might be surprised. On May 10, 1893 the United States Supreme Court made a declaration that stands unchallenged to this day. A precedent so set in stone it should forever be the benchmark for Stare Decisis. Yes the highest court in the land declared the tomato a vegetable.

Robert Sauerwine, Ralph DeVan, Santos Ortega, John Vasquez....all former fiancee's to whom I was engaged to with rings from a Box of Cracker Jacks. Sweet memories!

Oh, forgot. Richard Kirby, the engagement ended with a quick brawl on the playground. Went home with my dress torn, but he went home crying and humiliated. I kept the ring.

I can tell you were a swinger, a killer diller on the playground.

Who would say"Diamonds are Forever" when they could have a CrackerJack ring? Not me. (well...maybe).
And they say women are complicated, that you have to wine them and dine them, that you 'actually' have to listen and pay attention when they are talking to you. And I bought this; hook, line and sinker......

When in reality all that's needed is a Cracker Jack ring, and you had them at hello in the playground.

It is not too late. I think CrackerJacks are still available.

Good luck!!

Hey!!! Little Richie might have tried to tear my clothes off, but he didn't "have me" by today's definition.

The ring was a keeper, one of those that changed images when you moved your finger.
OO- So are you NOW! telling me that these 45 boxes of Cracker Jack I just bought and these 42 rings that I now posses because of said boxes are basically useless? That these 41 rings (I accidentally step on one just now), which were my secret weapon in a weekend of debauchery, that I was just planning, are not going to get me out of having to do the whole 'wine and dine' exercise?

So basically I just have a whole lot of caramel cotted popcorn and peanuts, and nothing else...?

Ok I'm sending you the bill then. :)

When added to the proper amount of self confidence, the rings and even the caramel cotted (bed on the brain?) popcorn will work just fine.

Don't let OO throw you off now, she's only standing up for womens myths.
I had a profound revelation when I first read about the 1893 Supreme Court decision that tomatoes are a vegetable.

A tomato is just a tax evading fruit.

The symbolism makes the mind reel.

As for Cracker Jack engagement rings, I'm certain it's the thought that counts.

Isn't it?

Something tells me that you don't need CrackerJacks, you smooth svelt talker.

Ah, but the moment of truth!! If a lovely lady starts talking seriously about rings, do you pass the CrackerJack or do you RUN?
Cracker Jacks fondly remind me of being a child at the Central Park Merry-Go-Round and Zoo, and pink balloons and cute barking seals and the Bemelman's Clock. Ah nostalgia.


Alas, while I was chased around a few playgounds, I was never given a Cracker Jacks ring. Never had my dress torn either, but I did have my pigtails pulled.

As I had no cracker Jack suitor, I sent away for a ring myself from Bazooka Joe. A big back Ring with my initial in gold. I think it was targeted to boys, especially young mafia dons. At the time I thought it was truly wonderful - until my finger turned green. In retrospect, plastic beats fake gold anyday.

Remember that^^David U.

I still love Cracker Jacks but there's too much popcorn and not enough peanuts now.
Dusty- If she becomes fixated on the topic of rings aka commitment, first in my head I blame OO and RW for this "Cracker Jack and the Ring" idea...THEN... I don't just point and say "hey look a shiny object" and then run the other way. What if we are having tons-o-fun? But I do have to do what any gentleman would do (how many 'do's can I use in one run on sentence?)....Quickly change the topic:

"Speaking of rings, did you know there's a Jimmy Choo boutique and a Gucci Boutique in Buckhead? You like super expensive shoes and pricey clothes? Who would have guessed, want to go? OK!"

And we have avoided a discussion on commitment, and can still hang out with the oh so elusive tons-o-fun girl.
David U,

You must date some high-maintenence chicks!

I realize that Jessica Alba will have great expectations, but while you're just practicing, why not take them to Sam's Club? They have Fendi's I hear.
BD- What can I say, "the" commitment talk is serious-ly scary, so have to use the big guns.

David U,

If you keep bribing them with Jimmy Choos and Guccis they will only come back more determined to get you to "commit" the next time.

It's a failed strategy - like coddling Dictators and appeasing terrorists.

You'll just have to win these women by charming them with your winning personality and a really nice bottle of wine.
BD- Are you sugesting getting her Drunk? I heard it works for fraternities, but since I never joined any I cannot be sure.

Lots of old sayings have a basis in fact. "Candy is dandy, but liquors quicker" is no exception.
David U,

I can't give you any advice about getting Fraternities drunk, but RW is right about candy being a second-rate seduction tool.

I apologize for misleading you. The little plastic rings meant the world to me at age 8. I'm not into diamonds. It's toe rings for me.

Maybe a tattooed finger when you finally choose. My goodness, if a girl would go through that kind of pain, she would have to care, right?

Does anyone else here relate a "tons-of-fun" girl to "fluffy" (my politically correct term for "fat")?

Don't start the romance off with expensive shopping sprees, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. With your charming & humorous approach, you've gotta be a keeper.
"Don't start the romance off with expensive shopping sprees, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. With your charming & humorous approach, you've gotta be a keeper."

David U,

What did I tell you? Trust us! Sweet dreams...
So back to 'wine and dine' then (With get them drunk as a fall back)...

Thought I had discovered some secret short cut to women, but you women and your complicated ways have NO shortcuts!

That's cool, it keeps it interesting. ;)

OO, BD- Now that you ladies boosted my ego with the compliments about my personality, I can go out tonight with confidence. Night.
Well, I see that davidu has NOT even come home yet. I'm not surprised.

I sent him a bottle of Manichevitz to help his adventures.

Obviously, it was helpful.

During the early days at ml's you revealed your fatherhood experience and I couldn't let Father's Day go by without commending you on your committment to your kids and wishing you the happiest of Father's Days.

It's a day early, I know, but the opportunity is today and everyday.


How about some of your heartfelt and inspiring poetry?
Back with a quote:

Blessed indeed is the man who hears a gentle voice call him father!

~ Lydia M. Child

And then there's this one for SemperFi:

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

~ Enid Bagnold

Too bad Semper's doesn't apply to wives as well. @--

Do you think we should send out a search party for DavidU? I think from now on he needs to check in when we have sent out into the world equipped with all the advice and ego building we did for him yesterday.


Thanks! I raised them alone from the time they were 5 and 4. This year they will be 27 and 26, so they have reached the point where they no longer think I was a complete idiot during their younger days.
Let's just hope DavidU doesn't become a father unexpectedly. Oh, that's right, he only needed a hybrid car to win Jessica's heart. The other two requirements were covered.

Dittoes on the Happy Father's Day!! You have much to be proud of.

I guess if he finally hooked up with Miss Jessica we'll be reading about them in the tabloids soon.

Buy Danish,

Thanks. You know if you use the term "dittoes" too often your admirers over at ml's will be having a field day.
oh Jessica, Jessica; where for art thou Jessica...

But seriously: USA!! USA!! USA!!

Great game, I may have gotten out of hand at the sports bar and pissed of the Italian fans and the owner of the bar with my yelling at the TV screen and the fact that I wanted to pull a Colombian on the Ref and have him killed and I may or may not have argued the merrits of the flag of Italy vs. the USA flag (come on it was the pre-game). But who cares, it was all worth it...WE TIED ITALY! with only 9 men.

(It's like wining a Nascar Race and having no crew when you pit, the driver has to get out and do everything, and still's like no jockey and still winning the Belmont [By the way I won that race just so you all don't forget!]...It's like the USA tying freaking Italy, In Germany, with only 9 men!)



Ok now I have to go wash off the face back. by the way I'm double posting this cause I'm that excited!

One more time:


You misread our instructions. It is not the Italians at the sports Bar that you want to get drunk. Back to the CrackerJack rings for you.Now listen closely......


Bet you get great Father's Day cards and lotsa hugs. I send one too, just 'cause you are nice.


Tried to write a good Fathers Day poem but not one sounded right. So I send you a little simple one that was published some years ago.(Who would miss an opportunity to present something they have written?) Anyway, this one was written after a visit to the grave of my father and mother in an old National Cemetery. My father was a "neat" man in every way.

Title: N & O

He was a neat and orderly man.

White stones in military rows

Straight walks, squares enclose

Green grass, a carpet grows

Brick wall, a well-trimmed rose.

He was a neat and orderly man.

(RW, sorry to "hog" all this space. Couldn't resist the moment.)Thanks for asking, oo.

Take all the space you ever want or need, especially when sharing such beautiful thoughts.

Thanks for the well wishes! My children better remember or they WILL be reading this blog.

Maybe DavidU was wearing one of these and then got carried away by the game.


So if the USA beats Ghana and Italy beats the Czechs we move on, right? I also heard something wacky about needing to win by 67 goals if the Czechs and Italians tie. How am I doing?
RW- I think its 68 goals not 67, but everything else is right on.

Speaking of soccer, this ice soccer game is pretty brutal tonight. A guy from Edmonton loses his glove and reaches for it, so the Carolina guy whacks the guys bare hand with his stick.

That's what Lefty needs to do tomorrow with anybody that closes in on him.
RW- Ice Soccer is getting pretty interesting with an Edmonton win tonight, giving hockey...I mean Ice soccer fans the elusive Game 7.

I'm not a Big Carolina supporter, since they beat up on the Thrashers this season too much....and I did not Appreciate it, not one bit!

Mickelson has really picked up his game...personally I think it's because he's letting his hair grow out. Plus he better take advantage, Tiger will eventually put his dad's death behind him and who want to face Tiger when he comes back from that? Plus that would be 3 after we were all wondering if he'd even get one.

It seems it's only the sportswriters that want to blame the death of Earl Woods for Tiger's showing. They asked him about his mental state after Friday's round and he said "pissed"

Tomorrow would be four, count 'em, four majors for Phil. Don't be hatin' on him because of his sub-cutaneous fat. If he has a really goofy grin on his face, he'll be halfway to a real slam.
Aaahhh Dusty. My Dad was retired Air Force.

"There is a place for everything and everything should be in its' place."

A "Neat & Orderly Man". Thank you.

BTW, I see you posting over at Wooten's so if you see me and Patriotic Fooouurrrrr-ski going back and forth, don't think me strange. I can't resist a humorous exchange.

Strange, very strange...him, not me. Well, maybe me too.
RW- It would have made for quite a story and a lot of weight on his shoulders if on this Father's Day he was playing for the US Open. But he just didn't have it Friday, it's just awkward since he's always on..

The best thing that happened to Mickelson's wife was Tiger, because of him, Mickelson learned the meaning of the word gym. He's not as 'fat' as he was 5 years ago.

Oh and SCORE! Edmonton!
Oh yeah I forgot about the PGA Championship at the end of last year....we could have the makings of a Mickleson slam.

I should clarify that it was Phil himself that said he would never look like he was in top shape because of his sub-cutaneous fat. How many golfers, or most anybody else, would even know what that was.?
RW- When you are sporting those Man Boobs Mickelson was sporting in those days, you make up or research some scientific justification for it.

Tomorrow he better start off strong. Vijay, Furyk or Weir could crash the party if he's not careful. I never worry about Montgomerie away from cozy and jolly England.
Looks like the PGA is biased. What's with using Ferrie's fat picture? They said on the golf channel that no European has won since Tony Jacklin in 1970 and no first timer since Francais Ouimet in 1913, so Ferrie is probably either a lock or this years Jason Gore.
Yep Bias! What ever happened to Alphabetical order? How many times will Ferrier ever be leading a major into Sunday, give the man the top spot!

If it wasn't Lefty up with him, you know Ferrie would be the crowd favorite by a long margin, but Lefty will take all that love from the crowd tomorrow.

Are you going to find some Ghanian hangout to harass people in for the next game? Some of us might want to come watch that bar match-up.

When is the USA/Ghana match anyway? The way this thing flies by I'm guessing August 15th.
RW- Thursday, June 22 @ 10:00am

Since I went to 'Bucket Shop' in front of Lenox Mall and team USA won today, I would not dare go anywhere else for the Ghana game, I need to even have the same seat.

So if anyone is free and wants to see me become an emotional wreck with every pass of the ball (i hear it's quite entertaining to see me cry over a missed goal), come on over. If not at the very least check out the score online!

You better move at least one seat over, because if they "win" the same way they did today they're out.



Aren't they?...and aren't you supposed to be working at 10:00AM on a Thursday?
RW-Yep, they actually have know win for real this time like on the scoreboard.

Oh I'm sick already...I can feel it...And the symptoms will develop on Wed. at around midnight....cough...cough...and its contagious. It's really a shame to have to miss work but it's really for the best of the company.
Forgot to add^^

The reason this was a 'win' was that the US had never won or tied when the game is held on European Soil, and you get a point for a tie in the first round. So Team USA won the first ever point in Europe today.

Some people are considerate of others, but hardly anyone rises to your level. Not only are you looking out for the good of corporate America, you even realize that you must have caught this future bug at the Bucket Shop so you are going to quarantine yourself there. That is impressive!
RW- What can I say, we all have to do our part to help the economy!

Are you able to get to getalife's site? He's either banned me or trashed the place again.
Hey Dusty! Golf.....the ball looks like a ping-pong ball but with dimples. It's interior has rubber bands all mooshed together real tight. The club looks like a long handled spoon that tried to impact the hardest of ice-creams. You hit the dimpled ping-pong rolls across a really big gopher infested lawn.

O.K. and I are set to engage in the golphering discussions that are held at "ml's After Dark".
Oh, I forgot Dusty. You've gotta keep your eyes opened for a "Tiger" hunting golphers in those yards.

It sounds like a dangerous endeavor, but there's nothing you and I can't do. Right?
O.K. Dusty, I've done some more research before Church.

They have a "tea time" before the game. I'm sure you can add your favorite fermented fruit. I don't think they have strict rules about that. But it seems St. Patrick's Day is everyday because the phrase
"I'll see you in the green" indicates an invitation to play. Maybe it's "on" the green so green shoes might be the appropriate apparel. you and I are good to go.

Your view of golf sounds like it is on the same level as mine. Maybe we should talk about women playing golf at Augusta's Master. Wouldn't Goldie and her women's rights love that? But nawww...I don't really care.

We have to figure how to get davidu out of that sports bar. He is wasting all his CrackerJacks. Now we can't have that.

I saw you were over at Wootens having a good time. It needed a little pepping up. I've already been called a "coward". Yawn.. At least the wankers haven't shown up yet.

As to the "green", if I don't get dressed soon, I shall be going to church in the "pink". Don't think they are quite ready for a "Sonia". Me either!!

Maybe Goldie is Martha Burke!
"Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack..." I bet when it first came out nobody knew it was going to be in a song no one doesn't know.

And the tomato is a fruit, scientifically.
RW- Nope no luck accessing GetaLife's blog from this side either....
Buy Danish,

The funniest thing that happened when Goldie err...Martha Burke staged her protest was a guy from a radio station here in Atlanta, using the name Heywood Jablome, held up signs saying things like "Iron my shirt" and "Make me dinner".

The signs were ok, but what made it funny is that a few newspapers ran his name.

Very good! Now you're ready for this highly informative golfing instruction video. It's a series, but if you get the urge to watch any video beyond part 1 I recommend just watching this one again.

Maybe you could go to church with Sonia to lessen the surprise factor.

El Patro,

You mean the Supreme Court could have stayed out of it???? I'm shocked, shocked!


I hope this time he moves the posts to a different blog if he's remodeling. How am I going to go back and get stupid quotes from Midori if he just dumps the place again?
More Cracker Jack History, but this raises questions.

Were Cracker Jacks a common ballpark snack before 1908 or did Jack Norworth find a line that fit thus thrusting Cracker Jack into the baseball viewing experience from then on? Was Norworth secretly working for the Ruckheims?

From 1893 to 1912 did young men, with their thoughts turning to love, give out frogs to the objects of their desire on the playground? Did the Ruckheims have a daughter that received a frog in 1912 and decided to give these young men a way to find love and keep their frogs to themselves?

Sailor Jack showing up in 1918 makes sense with the war and everything, but what about Bingo? Was there a secret underground bingo hall they were promoting?


Who listened to Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band for the first time and really thought that today, the day Paul McCartney really did turn 64, would come? For bonus points try to tie that question into Cracker Jack.

That's really funny. Why don't you try that on Goldie tomorrow - log in as Heywood...and see if she(?)catches on!


Getalife left a message for me at his place that he would be spending his vacation week in the hospital. :( You know nosey me, I asked why, but didn't get back in time before his blog shut down. Up go the prayers everyone.

Thanks for the instruction video. Golf couldn't hold my interest. Too slow! And BTW, I'm a pool girl so thanks for the Caddyshack reminder.

It was just a Baby Ruth bar, no need to panic. I was always partial to the Phoebe Cates pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High myself.

Spending a week in the hospital after what he's been through doesn't sound good. Prayers on the way.

Buy Danish,

You know I could never do that, but you never know if some radio folks might check in here, see your request, and do that on their own.
Now that we've got the tomato thing down, can we finally outlaw those godawful Crackerjack peanuts?? I hate those things!

So you're the problem! The rest of the free world is complaining about the dearth of Cracker Jack peanuts and you want them banned outright.

Give me my Cracker Jack peanuts!
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